You will teach them to fly,
but they will not fly your flight.
You will teach them to dream,
but they will not dream your dream.
You will teach them to live,
but they will not live your life.
Nevertheless, in every flight,
in every life, in every dream,
the print of the way
you taught them will remain.
-Mother Teresa
Sweet Child,
When you hear me say
I wish I could turn back time
It’s not because
I want to change anything
It’s just that I want to feel those tender moments
Over and over again.
-Anonymous
Being a parent comes with a roller coaster of feelings. You may simultaneously feel tired but blessed, happy, overwhelmed, and so much more. Since you hold that baby in your arms, it is a constant string of ups and downs. Not only are you solely responsible for raising another human being, but you are also growing and evolving according to their needs and expectations, trying to fit into your new role.
You blink and eighteen years go by.
How did so much time already pass? All the memories will have the potential to hit you like an invisible wall. The good, the bad, and the ugly. You may find yourself reminiscing and wishing for any chance at a do-over. Maybe you can do it exactly how it happened the first time around or perhaps change up a few things.
The emotions and recollections will have an effect, – from hearing their first cry to helping them pack their suitcases after they turn their back on a house they used to call home. Now, their ‘home’ is another place where they will have new experiences. As parents, we can all hope and pray that their next journey is happy.
Joe is my only child, and when he moved to his college dorm, I had all the time in the world to do anything I wanted. Especially since I had also retired, I was left with infinite leisure, but I felt at a complete loss to fill up my 24 hours.
Having kids is like this one big event in that you must deal with many concerns—their feelings, your feelings, the environment, unpredictable conditions, and so much more. However, those experiences somehow have a rather abrupt ending. There will be that sinking feeling in your heart, knowing that it is the end of an era, a time that you once lived and, like so many others, will never come back again.
I didn’t think I was ever going to stop crying once I gave Joe that last hug and walked away with him literally going in his direction and me in the opposite direction. The reasons for this large emotion were many:
- My heart was so full of love for him that it hurt like a physical pain and that almost unbearable fullness of feelings brought tears to my eyes.
- I already missed the way we were. I knew the relationship would change between us. We will always be mother and son but I will become an increasingly less important person to him, as it should be.
- I missed everything about him, but it’s not just him I’ll miss, it’s the light and life he brought into our house.
- I worried about him because I desperately didn’t want him to ever feel lost or alone, but I knew he would experience those days. Everyone has them. Thinking about the times that he would not be okay and the fact that I couldn’t make him okay made me terribly sad.
- I was not worried that he would not succeed. In fact, it was just the opposite. I had no doubt he would succeed and that success would lead him further from me. Again, it is as it should be, but sad, nonetheless.
- That moment when he walked away from us, we went one way and he went the other. He walked into a bright new chapter of his life where the possibilities were almost endless. I walked away from a piece of my heart and the poignancy of that moment was not lost on me. I literally felt that in many ways I had left my heart in Lexington, Kentucky.
My head knew we would all adjust and be able to see this more clearly in time as a beginning for both of us and not as an end. But as we drove away my heart hurt and I hoped that I had done most things right, or right enough, and that he would make wise choices and fortune would go his way.