Excerpts from Midlife Marvels
Chapter One: Weeping
During the car ride home from the University of Kentucky, where Phil and I dropped off Joe for his freshman year to start on his college journey, I thought I would die from a broken heart. The tears never subsided. My husband simply got the small pack of Kleenex out of the car’s console (because parents are always ready) and handed them to me with a smile that seemed to say, “We will be okay,” but I certainly didn’t feel okay.
Once we arrived home, I missed my son so much that I slept in his bed just to feel his warmth and physical presence. Again, Phil understood as he knew Joe had always been my sunshine.
Upon waking the next morning, I noticed the collage of him. He had taken his “Character forged by Faith” poster that had always hung above his bed to college with him, so I replaced it with a collage of photos of him as a baby through 18. It gave me solace just to stare at this collage as I reminisced about the many loving memories of this precious life God gave me to enjoy. Yes, there were more tears, some sad and some happy, remembering the love shared between a mom
and her boy.
As I reflected, I suddenly thought, “Who am I now?”
Chapter Three: Menopause - What Is Happening to My Body?
For those who have not experienced menopause, I can tell you, it’s a real pain. I would sometimes wake up sweating profusely at night. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I would feel like I was sitting in a sauna. Sometimes I felt like I couldn’t breathe because it got hotter and hotter by the second. This was hard for me to adjust to as I had always been cold natured and enjoyed cuddling with my warm husband, but all of the sudden I was thinking, “Get away from me; it’s hot!”
Other times, I got so chilly that it felt like the cold had somehow entered my body, making my bones shake. Again, a hard adjustment as we had been a skiing family, but one year it just felt too cold on the mountain. I encouraged my husband and son to enjoy themselves on the slopes, while I found a paint shop and appreciated the warmth while creating memories on canvas.
Chapter Five: Choosing With Love and Putting Yourself on the List
One day when I was oil painting, I realized the best gift we can give to our children is to wake up to our own life and our own gifts! Nurturing ourselves is important because then we quit meddling in their lives and focus on ourselves. Too often, we stay emotionally attached to our children and need validation from them and their accomplishments so we can feel good as parents. It is much more important to double down on our own personal growth, and that, in turn, will reflect positively on the relationship and connection we can have with them.
In taking care of ourselves, we release our children from that burden and create space for them to be their own humans to figure out their life without worrying about us. We show honor to our children when we show respect for their knowledge to figure life out and trust their decisions. They get to live their lives, forge their paths, and learn their lessons, and will appreciate that we gave them the space in which to grow and learn.