Choosing with Love and Putting Yourself on the List: A Midlife Awakening
Chapter 5 of my book Midlife Marvels, titled “Choosing with Love and Putting Yourself on the List,” shares a pivotal moment of awakening that changed the course of my life. This moment, a profound realization in the journey through midlife served as a reminder of the importance of prioritizing one’s own growth and happiness.
The scene unfolded in a corner art studio, where oil paints were laid out and the soft hum of music played in the background. Immersed in the creative process, I experienced a sudden and powerful realization: the emotional entanglement in my son’s life, seeking validation through his successes had impeded my own growth. In being so attentive to his needs, I had neglected to fully engage in my own success.
“I was so involved in guiding and advising him that I didn’t see how my own unfulfilled dreams were fueling my need for his achievements to give me a sense of worth.”
This moment of clarity was transformative. It suddenly became quite clear that the greatest gift I could give my son was not advice or constant involvement in his life but it was my own happiness and fulfillment. By choosing to live fully and pursue my own passions, I wasn’t only nurturing myself- but was setting my son free to live without the weight of my expectations. It was a “light bulb moment” to realize that living out my own dreams would not only enrich my life but also strengthen the bond I had with him.
This shift, while liberating, brought with it a new responsibility. I needed to find fulfillment within myself, nourish my own spirit, and embrace who I could become in this new chapter of life. It was no longer enough to sit on the sidelines; it was time to be an active participant in my own life!
Journaling had once been a cornerstone of my self-expression. Yet, as life became busier with work and family that habit had slipped away. Now, facing transitions like menopause, retirement, and the empty nest, I found myself returning to journaling as a way to process the complex emotions I was experiencing.
Rereading old journals revealed something striking: despite countless lists-blessings, to-dos, dreams, and goals-my own needs were rarely, if ever, on those lists. How many of us can relate to that? We spend so much time caring for others that we forget to care for ourselves.
With this realization, I made a decision: I was going to put myself on the list. And not just anywhere on the list- at the top. This new chapter of life offered an opportunity for a fresh start, and I decided to show up with encouragement, growth, generosity, forgiveness, compassion, respect, and hope, beginning with myself.
I believe that we are designed for adventure and that by embracing our own journey fully, we find deeper contentment and purpose. It’s not about checking off boxes; it’s about discovering who we are meant to be-even in mid-life. Our journey matters just as much as the journeys of those we care for.
I want to leave you with this though: “To love another person is to love the face of God.” But how can we truly love others if we’re not loving the person in the mirror? By choosing to love ourselves, we create a ripple effect that touches everyone around us-our children, partners, friends, and even our community. When we prioritize our own growth and happiness, we model what it means to live fully and authentically.
This message of self-love, personal growth, and the importance of “putting yourself on the list” is one that resonates deeply with anyone navigating the transitions of midlife. I hope my journey can serve as a powerful reminder that the second half of life offers new opportunities for adventure, fulfillment, and self-discovery. By embracing this stage with open hearts and a willingness to grow, we can create a life that is not only rich for ourselves but for those we love.
So, remember: Put yourself on the list and watch how your life – and the lives of those around you – begin to flourish.