“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
-Maya Angelou
Vulnerability supplies a connection with others. When we ask for help or simply another’s company, we give others the opportunity for the joy and satisfaction that comes from helping or feeling appreciated for their presence. Our adult son is beginning to realize that it is his presence we appreciate most, not actual presents that can be unwrapped. It was this sense of helping that I loved about teaching during my thirty=year career. It was so enjoyable to see the “light bulbs go on” for my students as they learned, and I also appreciated being able to share my talents with student teachers. I made a point of building a community of learners within my classroom. I missed that sense of community when I retired.
The Covid Pandemic has been a difficult time in our history, but I think we can learn from it as well. Unfortunately, mental health is in decline due to the isolation caused by the pandemic. People were forced to isolate, and this is not good for the human psyche. One of the basic needs as determined by Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is connection. The percentage of those who reported feeling isolated jumped from 27 percent in 2018 to 56 percent after the start of the pandemic. The most common psychological disorders emerging were anxiety and panic, obsessive-compulsive symptoms, insomnia, digestive problems, as well as depressive symptoms and post-traumatic stress (Rogers et al, 2020). Although necessary to limit the spread of Covid, human beings were not designed to manage segregation for long periods of time.
Connection with other people brings us life. Isolation leads to fatigue and sometimes even death. Research has shared that social isolation has been linked to cognitive impairment, reduced immunity, increased risk of cardiovascular disease, and ultimately, mortality.
Even back thousands of years ago in 400 B.C. the Socratic Greek philosophers Plato, Socrates, and Aristotle became known for their great quest for wisdom as well as being very scholarly men acknowledged for their instructional teaching methods in which they asked thought-provoking questions encouraging the sharing of knowledge with fellow learners. Aristotle acknowledged this need for connection as he relayed to us that man is a “‘social animal’” unable to live isolated from others since the absence of relationships removes essential conditions for the development of personal identity and the exercise of reason.
People were made to need other people. It’s written in scripture that God gave Adam Eve. God made us to need each other not to be separate and alone. Look for ways to surround yourself with a nourishing community that will literally breathe life into you.
I had found that my circles had begun to shrink after retirement, so it became necessary to put intentionality into enlarging my connections again. Some of the ways I found that enlarged my circle was to attend art classes learning with and from other fellow artists, attending church regularly and volunteering to lead a bible study at our house, and attending yoga classes. There are many other ways to create connections with others such as enrolling in classes at college; did you know that many universities allow seniors to audit classes without paying tuition? Book clubs, hiking groups, cycling circles, kayaking, birding, photography societies, or getting out there on the tennis or pickleball court or golf course are other methods of involvement with others and are great ways to stay socially and mentally active. These are just a few suggestions. The skies the limit when you allow yourself to discover and realize your own interests. Have fun exploring and finding your people.
Make a point to maintain or increase your connection to other people. I’m singing Barbara Streisand’s song, “People Who Need People” in my head. LOL! It is true. People do need each other.
I am so gratified by the awareness of the importance of making and keeping relationships and connections at the forefront of my life. Your legacy in life is really all about these connections as people will not remember you for your possessions, but by how you made them feel.
*Much of this article is an excerpt from my book, Midlife Marvels. I invite you to read more.
