Too many of us women have a nasty voice in our heads. Yuck! You know where you want to be, but SHE gets in the way. She says you aren’t worth it, or you don’t deserve it. You can change those stories she tells you! It’s not easy and it takes work, but it’s so worth it! How can you overcome your inner critic? You have to chip away at it – piece by piece and have patience with yourself as you move from where you are now to where you want to be. Re-framing your self-talk helps you to reset your identity. Your identity is tied to any statement that says, “I am.” We are sometimes given labels or identities by other people. Challenge these identities that don’t get you to where you want to be. Take one day at a time. Celebrate the small wins each and every time. Slowly habits start forming, and you can build on those. For example, don’t focus on the weight you need to lose. Focus on the small steps, – you lost a pound, or you made it to the gym, or you tracked healthy food. Focus on the positivity you’re doing today and choose one thing at a time to change.
No matter how hard we try, that nagging negative voice in our heads will keep insisting. Mine did until finally I was actually speaking to God and asked,
“How do I quiet the negativity in my head?” It was like he answered, “Quit looking outward for validation and purpose and practice speaking kindly to yourself.” This lesson was not a quick one-and-done moment. It took much practice after listening to many teachings from my life coach and practicing catching my negative thoughts and rerouting them with positive statements I had listed in my journal and memorized. I learned to be very conscious of my thoughts and reprogram my brain to literally think positively. I have always talked to God in prayer throughout the day, but it dawned on me one day that I did not thank God as often as I should, so I began to focus on when my Apple watch reminded me to move hourly I would say a praise prayer, – “Thanks for watching out for me this morning when I was backing out of my driveway so that I did not hit the teenagers who were not paying attention.” “Thanks for enabling me to simply drive to the grocery store and pick up my groceries from “Clicklist” because I despise grocery shopping.” “Thanks for delivering cookies to Joe on his first day at his new job.”…
Too often we allow the rampant negative voice in our heads to tell us lies. I ran across a wonderful quote by John Gonzalez, “Acknowledge your strength and beauty. Speak with a kind heart. Remember, our vocabulary makes a difference…even those words we mumble to ourselves.”
I alone have a purpose that God intended me to fulfill, and I am responsible for carrying out that purpose.
I continually said to myself, “I feel like my life doesn’t have as much purpose and meaning as it did when I was teaching, and Joe was young.”
I was telling myself a lie.
For too many years I searched for purpose in titles such as wife, teacher, and mother. Those were not my true purpose at all.
True purpose is not answered with a job description.
True purpose is an inner-world experience of being who you truly are. There is an old cliché that says, “We are not human doings; we are human beings”, but too many of us, myself included, forget this and define ourselves and our purpose with titles. You will never find your inner world fulfillment from outer world experiences. True happiness does not come from outside validation. Purpose is finding true contentment and satisfaction with your life, which is why daily gratitude lists are so helpful.
Meaning didn’t abandon me. Purpose didn’t leave. I stopped creating it.
Life has meaning when you MEAN it.
So, I had to stop and answer questions for myself:
What am I creating? What do I want to focus on? How can I make a move independently that I can be proud of? In reflection, it became abundantly clear to me that what made me feel so fulfilled as a teacher and a mom was that I helped people learn and encouraged them to see their value. Why does that have to end now that I am not doing that in a classroom and my son is a man? It is still a gift of mine to teach and share with people to help them acknowledge their true value.
Who am I? When I’m not the striver, the teacher, the mom?
Matthew 5:14- “You are the light of the world.”
“To love someone is to see all their magic and to remind them of it when they have forgotten.”-Anonymous
It has been my biggest pleasure in life to help young people see their magic and help them learn to be their best selves. It was hard to know what to get my son as a graduation gift when he graduated with his Masters. What I gave him was a dual frame with a caricature of himself as an architect sitting at his new desk on one side and the quote, “Sometimes you forget how awesome you are, so this is your reminder” on the other. A true mom gift, but one that I know he appreciated.
Everyone functions best when they function from a position of love. I have learned in researching for my own healing that your body and brain work together to create actual chemicals within your body that support you positively or negatively. I had allowed sad and lonely thoughts to hang around much too long! Those thoughts had enabled my body to think that it was normal to feel that way so that I began to stand in my own way of healing. How incredibly shocking! I had been so proud of helping others find their magic, then I decided I had no magic. I couldn’t believe it!
When I realized this, I couldn’t help but go to the question, “How did I allow myself to get so far out of alignment?” and “How fast can I allow myself to recover? Because the faster you enable yourself to recover and live in love the healthier you’ll be. Science has proven that when you get yourself in the condition of love, your heart and immune system function differently.
So almost immediately I began journaling the answer to the question, “What’s my favorite version of me?” And can I ask her to come out and show up more often? My favorite version involves seeing everyone, including myself as their best selves. Those entail thinking thoughts that generate love such as, “God delights in me”, “Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up. Strong women lift each other up” “A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles” and “The most profound thing we can offer our children is our own healing.” (Anne Lamott)
When you become a person who trains yourself to love internally, you will find every reason to experience love. Every time you choose love, you’re rewiring your mind and body.
Remember not to be mean to yourself when you get out of alignment; love yourself enough to slow down and be intentional with your choices and ask yourself, “Is this who I want to be?” or “Is this what I want to create?”
**Much of this blog is from the book Midlife Marvels. Check it out on Amazon. 🙂
